Ill Seen Ill Said Read online

  lies hidden time for a turn in the pastures.

  No shock were she already dead. As of

  course she is. But in the meantime more

  convenient not. Still living then she lies

  hidden. Having for some reason covered

  her head. Or for no reason. Night. When

  not evening night. Winter night. No

  snow. For the sake of variety. To vary the

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  SAMUEL BECKETT

  monotony. The limp grass strangely rigid

  under the weight of the rime. Clawed by

  the long black skirt how if but heard it

  must murmur. Moonless star-studded sky

  reflected in the erosions filmed with ice.

  The silence merges into music infinitely far

  and as unbroken as silence. Ceaseless celestial winds in unison. For all all matters now. The stones gleam fain ely afar and the

  cabin walls seen white at last. Said white.

  The guardians-the twelve are there but

  not at full muster. Well! Above all not

  understand. Simply note how those still

  faithful have moved apart. Such ill seen

  that night in the pastures. While head included she lies hidden. Under on closer inspection a long greatcoat. A man's by the buttons. The buttonholes. Eyes closed

  does she see him?

  White walls. High time.

  White as new. No wind. Nor a breath.

  ILL SEEN ILL SAID

  4 3

  Unbeaten on by all that comes beating

  down. And mystery the sun has spared

  them. The sun that once beat down. So

  east and west sides the required clash.

  South gable no problem. But the other.

  That door. Careful. Black too? Black too.

  And the roof. Slates. More. Small slates

  black too brought from a ruined mansion.

  What tales had they tongues to tell. Their

  long tale told. Such the dwelling ill seen ill

  said. Outwardly. High time.

  Changed the stone that

  draws her when revisited alone. Or she

  who changes it when side by side. Now

  alone it leans. Backward or forward as the

  case may be. Is it to nature alone it owes its

  rough-hewn air? Or to some too human

  hand forced to desist? As Michelangelo's

  from the regicide's bust. If there may not

  be no more questions let there at least be

  no more answers. Granite of no common

  44 SAMUEL BECKETT

  variety assuredly. Black as jade the jasper

  that flecks its whiteness. On its what is the

  wrong word its uptilted face obscure

  graffiti. Scrawled by the ages for the eye to

  solicit in vain. Winter evenings on her

  doorstep she imagines she can see it glitter

  afar. When from their source in the westsouth-west the last rays rake its averse face.

  Such ill seen the stone alone where it

  stands at the far fringe of the pastures. On

  her way out with the flowers as unerring as

  best she can she lingers by it. As on her

  way back with empty hands. Lingers by it a

  while on her way on. Toward the one or

  other abode. As unerring as best she can.

  See them again side by

  side. Not quite touching. Lit aslant by the

  latest lase rays they cast to the east-northeast their long parallel shadows. Evening therefore. Winter evening. It will always

  ILL SEEN ILL SAID

  45

  be evening. Always winter. When not

  night. Winter night. No more lambs. No

  more flowers. Empty-handed she shall go

  to the tomb. Until she go no more. Or no

  more return. So much for that. Undistinguishable the twin shadows. Till one at length more dense as if of a body better

  opaque. At length more still. As faintly at

  length the other trembles under the staring gaze. Throughout this confrontation the sun stands still. That is to say the earth.

  Not to recoil on until the parting. Then

  on its face over the pastures and then the

  stones the still living shadow slowly glides.

  Lengthening and fading more and more.

  But never quite away. Under the hovering

  eye.

  Close-up of a dial. Nothing else. White disc divided in minutes.

  Unless it be in seconds. Sixty black dots.

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  SAMUEL BECKETT

  No figure. One'hand only. Finest of fine

  black darts. It advances by fits and starts.

  No tick. Leaps from dot to dot with so

  lightning a leap that but for its new position it had not stirred. Whole nights may pass as may but a fraction of a second or

  any intermediate lapse of time soever before it flings itself from one degree to the next. None at any moment overleaping in

  all fairness be it said. Let it when discovered be pointing east. Having thus covered after its fashion assuming the instrument

  plumb the first quarter of its latest hour.

  Unless it be its latest minute. Then doubt

  certain-then despair certain nights of irs

  ever attaining the last. Ever regaining

  north.·

  She reappears at evening

  at her window. When nor night evening.

  If she will see Venus again she must open

  it. Well! First draw aside the curtain and

  ILL SEEN ILL SAID 4 7

  then open. Head bowed she waits to be

  able. Mindful perhaps of evenings when

  she was able too late. Black night fallen.

  But no. In her head too pure wait. The

  curtain. Seen closer thanks to this hiatus it

  reveals itself at last for what it is. A black

  greatcoat. Hooked by its tails from the rod

  it hangs sprawling inside out like a carcass

  in a butcher's stall. Or better inside in for

  the pathos of the dangling arms. Same infinitesimal quaver as the buttonhook and passim. Another novelty the chair drawn

  up to the window. This to raise the line of

  sight on the fair prey loftier when first

  sighted than at first sight ill seen. What

  empty space henceforward. For long pacing to and fro in the gloom. Suddenly in a single gesture she snatches aside the coat

  and to again on a sky as black as it. And

  then? Careful. Have her sit? Lie? Kneel?

  Go? She too vacillates. Till in the end the

  back and forth prevails. Sends her wavering north and south from wall to wall. In the kindly dark.

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  SAMUEL BECKETT

  'She is vanishing. With

  the rest. The already ill seen bedimmed and

  ill seen again annulled. The mind betrays

  the treacherous eyes and the treacherous

  word their treacheries. Haze sole certitude.

  The same that reigns beyond the pastures.

  It gains them already. It will gain the zone

  of stones. Then the dwelling through all

  its chinks. The eye will close in vain. To

  see but haze. Not even. Be itself but haze.

  How can it ever be said? Quick how ever

  ill said before it submerges all. Light.

  In one treacherous word. Dazzling haze.

  Light in its might at last. Where no more

  to be seen. To be said. Gently gently.

  The face yet again in the

  light of the last rays. No loss of pallor.

  None of cold. Suspended on the verge for

  this sight the westering sun. That is the

  ea
stering earth. The thin lips seem as if

  ILL SEEN ILL SAID

  49

  never again to part. Peeping from their

  join a suspicion of pulp. Unlikely site of

  olden kisses given and received. Or given

  only. Or received only. Impressive above

  all the corners imperceptibly upcurved. A

  smile? Is it possible? Ghost of an ancient

  smile smiled finally once and for all. Such

  ill half seen the mouth in the light of the

  last rays. Suddenly they leave it. Rather it

  leaves them. Off again to the dark. There

  to smile on. If smile is what it is.

  Reexamined rid of light

  the mouth changes. Unexplainably. Lips as

  before. Same closure. Same hint of extruding pulp. At the corners same imperceptible laxness. In a word the smile still there if smile is what it is. Neither more nor less.

  Less! And yet no longer the same. True that

  light distorts. Particularly sunset. That

  mockery. True too that the eyes then agaze

  50 SAMUEL BECKETI

  for the viewless planet are now closed. On

  other viewlessness. Of which more if ever

  anon. There the explanation at last. This

  same smile established with eyes open is

  with them closed no longer the same.

  Though between the two inspections the

  mouth unchanged. Utterly. Good. But in

  what way no longer the same? What there

  now that was not there? What there no

  more that was? Enough. Away.

  Back after many winters.

  Long after in this endless winter. This endless heart of winter. Too soon. She as when fled. Where as when fled. Still or again.

  Eyes closed in the dark. To the dark. In

  their own dark. On the lips same minute

  smile. If smile is what it is. In short alive as

  she alone knows how neither more nor

  less. Less! Compared to true stone. Within

  as sadly as before all as at first sight ill seen.

  ILL SEEN ILL SAID

  S 1

  With the happy exception of the lights'

  enhanced opacity. Dim the light of day

  from them were day again to dawn. Without on the other hand some progress.

  Toward unbroken night. Universal stone.

  Day no sooner risen fallen. Scrapped all the

  ill seen ill said. The eye has changed. And

  its drivelling scribe. Absence has changed

  them. Not enough. Time to go again.

  Where still more to change. Whence back

  too soon. Changed but not enough.

  Strangers but not enough. To all the ill

  seen ill said. Then back again. Disarmed for

  to finish with it all at last. With her and her

  rags of sky and earth. And if again too soon

  go again. Change still more again. Then

  back again. Barring impediment. Ah. So

  on. Till fit to finish with it all at last. All the

  trash. In unbroken night. Universal stone.

  So first go. But first see her again. As when

  fled. And the abode. That under the

  changed eye it too may change. Begin. Just

  one parting look. Before all meet again.

  Then go. Barring impediment. Ah.

  5 2

  SAMUEL BECKETT

  ' Bur see she suddenly no

  longer there. Where suddenly fled. Quick

  then the chair before she reappears. At

  length. Every angle. With what one word

  convey its change? Careful. Less. Ah the

  sweet one word. Less. It is less. The same

  but less. Whencesoever the glare. True

  that the light. See now how words too. A

  few drops mishaphazard. Then strangury.

  To say the least. Less. It will end by being

  no more. By never having been. Divine

  prospect. True that the light.

  Suddenlyenoughand way

  for remembrance. Closed again to that end

  the vile jelly or opened again or left as it

  was however that was. Till all recalled.

  First finally by far hanging from their

  skirrs two black greatcoats. Followed by

  the first hazy outlines of what possibly a

  hutch when suddenly enough. Remem-

  ILL SEEN ILL SAID

  5 3

  brance! When all worse there than when

  first ill seen. The pallet. The chair. The

  coffer. The trap. Alone the eye has changed.

  Alone can cause to change. In the meantime

  nothing wanting. Wrong. The buttonhook. The nail. Wrong. There they are again. Still. Worse there than ever. Unchanged for the worse. Ope eye and at them to begin. But first the partition. It rid they

  too would be. It less they by as much.

  It of all the properties

  doubtless the least obdurate. See the instant see it again when unaided it dissolved. So to say of itself. With no help from the eye. Not till long after to reappear. As if reluctantly. For what reason?

  For one not far to seek. For others then

  said obscure. One other above all. One

  other still far to seek. Analogy of the heart?

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  SAMUEL BECKETT

  •

  The skull? Hear from here the howls of

  laughter of the damned.

  Enough. Quicker. Quick

  see how all in keeping with the chair. Minimally less. No more. Well on the way to inexistence. As to zero the infini re. Quick

  say. And of her? As much. Quick find her

  agam. In that black heart. That mock

  brain.

  The sheer. Between rips

  of trembling fingers. In two. Four. Eight.

  Old frantic fingers. Nor paper any more.

  Each eighth apart. In two. Four. Finish

  with the knife. Hack into shreds. Down

  the plughole. On co che next. White.

  Quick blacken.

  ILL SEEN ILL SAID 55

  Atone the face remains.

  Of the rest beneath its covering no trace.

  During the inspection a sudden sound.

  Startling without consequence for the gaze

  the mind awake. How explain it? And

  without going so far how say it? Far behind the eye the quest begins. What time the event recedes. When suddenly to the

  rescue it comes again. Forthwith the uncommon common noun collapsion. Reinforced a little later if not enfeebled by the infrequent slumberous. A slumberous collapsion. Two. Then far from the still agonizing eye a gleam of hope. By the grace of these modest beginnings. With in second

  sight the shack in ruins. To scrute together

  with the inscrutable face. All curiosity

  spent.

  Later while the face still

  unyielding another sound of fall but this

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  SAMUEL BECKETT

  time sharp. Heightening the fond illusion

  of general havoc in train. Here a great leap

  into what brief future remains and summary puncture of that puny balloon. Far ahead to the instant when the coats will

  have gone from their rods and the buttonhook from its nail. And been hove the sigh no more than that. Sigh upon sigh till all

  sighed quite away. All the fond trash. Destined before being to be no more than that. Last sighs. Of relief.

  Quick beforehand again

  two mysteries. Nor even. Mild shocks.

  Nor even. In such abeyance the mind then.

  And from then on. First the curtains gone

  without loss of dark. Sweet foretaste of the

  joy at journey's end. Second after l
ong hesitation no trace of the fallen where they fell. No trace of all the ado. Alone on the

  one hand the rods alone. A little bent. And

  alone on the other most alone the nail.

  Unimpaired. All set to serve again. Like

  ILL SEEN ILL SAID

  5 7

  unto its glorious ancestors. At the place of

  the skull. One April afternoon. Deposition done.

  Fun glare now on the face

  present throughout the recent future. As

  seen ill seen throughout the past neither

  more nor less. Less! Collated with its case it

  lives beyond a doubt. Were ic only by vircue of its imperfect pallor. And imperceptible tremor unworthy of true plaster.

  Heartening on che ocher hand the eyes persiscencly closed. No doubt a record in chis posicion. Unobserved at lease till now. Suddenly the look. Nothing having stirred.

  Look? Too weak a word. Too wrong. Its

  absence? No better. Unspeakable globe.

  Unbearable.

  Ample time none the

  less a few seconds for the iris to be lacking.

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  SAMUEL BECKETT

  Wholly. As if engulfed by the pupil. And

  for the sclerotic not to say the white to

  appear reduced by half. Already that much

  less at least but at what cost. Soon to be

  foreseen save unforeseen two black blanks.

  Fit vencholes of the soul that jakes. Here

  reappearance of the skylights opaque to no

  purpose henceforward. Seeing the black

  night or better blackness pure and simple

  that limpid they would shed. Blackness in

  its might at last. Where no more to be

  seen. Perforce to be seen.

  Absence supreme good

  and yet. Illumination then go again and on

  return no more trace. On earth's face. Of

  what was never. And if by mishap some

  left then go again. For good again. So on.

  Till no more trace. On earth's face. Instead

  of always the same place. Slaving away forever in the same place. At this and that trace. And what if the eye could not? No

  ILL SEEN ILL SAID 59

  more tear itself away from the remains of

  trace. Of what was never. Quick say it suddenly can and farewell say say farewell. If only to the face. Of her tenacious trace.

  Decision no sooner

  reached or rather long after than what is

  the wrong word? For the last time at last

  for to end yet again what the wrong word?

  Than revoked. No but slowly dispelled a