Eleuthéria Read online

  Why have you left your family?

  Your fiancee? Your amusements?

  Your labors? Why are you leading

  this life? What is your goal? What

  are your intentions?

  VICTOR

  I don ' t know, I don ' t know.

  AuDIENCE MEMBER You're asking him too many at a

  time.

  GLAZIER

  Why are you leading this life? No,

  it's not that. First, what is this life

  you 've been leading, for more

  than two years? What -

  AuDIENCE MEMBER That will do. Tchoutchi. (Motions

  to him to move forward.

  ELEUTHERIA

  1 57

  Tchoutchi moves forward. The

  Audience member as well. They

  stop in front of Victor) You heard

  the question? What is this life

  you're leading? (Pincer effects)

  GlAZIER

  Say something quick ! Anything at

  all ! We 'll help you.

  VICfOR

  I ' m going to try.

  GlAZIER

  Bravo ! (To the Audience member

  and Tchoutchi) Stand back! Give

  him room to breathe. (The Audience member and Tchoutchi step

  back)

  VICfOR

  It won 't be the truth.

  GlAZIER

  No importance whatsoever.

  VICfOR

  It'll be boring.

  GlAZIER

  Now that's far more serious.

  VICfOR

  You ' ll have only yourself to blame .

  GlAZIER

  Absolutely right. (A silence)

  Watch out! He's going to take the

  plunge .

  VICfOR

  When I was small -

  AUDIENCE MEMBER For pity's sake , no blow-by-blow

  accounts, our time is limited. Stick

  to the issue .

  GlAZIER

  Victor cut offi Now I 've seen

  everything!

  VICfOR

  You find the way I live sordid and

  incomprehensible. It would be

  natural for you to turn away from

  it in disgust. But what do you do?

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  SAMUEL BECKETI

  You bear down on it, tirelessly.

  You can no longer break away.

  You go incessantly round and

  round. Nothing discourages you.

  And when night comes between

  us, you think about me.

  AuDIENCE MEMBER It's that you 've entered the public

  domain.

  VICTOR

  I obsess you. Why? Sound your

  depths. It's not I whose depths

  should be sounded but your own.

  GlAZIER

  It's true that he doesn' t know how

  to speak.

  VICTOR

  My family, my fiancee, my friends,

  maybe it's normal, what is called

  normal, for them to be sinking

  their teeth into me. But you?

  You're outsiders. I don' t know

  you. What is it to you, how I live?

  And you are not the first. For as

  long as I 've been living in this way,

  for two years, so you say, I 've been

  a prey to strangers.

  GlAZIER

  People would like to understand.

  You provoke them .

  VICTOR

  But why this sudden rage to

  understand when it concerns a

  life like mine? Every day, calm and

  indifferent, you pass countless

  mysteries right by. And in front of

  me you stop, stricken, starving for

  consciousness, with your low

  ELEUTHERIA

  1 59

  curiosity, dead set on seeing

  things in their true light. (A

  silence) Begrudgers ! (A silence)

  The saints, the madmen, the

  martyresses, the death row inmates, that doesn 't trouble you,

  it's within the order of things.

  They are outsiders, you will never

  be of their party, at least you hope

  so. You are not begrudging of

  them. You turn away from them.

  You don 't want to think about it.

  They fill you with horror and pity.

  (A silence) Before the solution

  that's not the one that is death

  you are filled with horror and pity.

  With easiness as well. You ' re mind

  is set at rest. Not worth racking

  your brains. It's no business of

  yours. If from your misery they' re

  a long way off, these folks, in

  another misery perhaps, but one

  not to be imagined, they have very

  much paid the price . So nothing's

  to be faulted. The books are

  balanced.

  GlAZIER

  What a jaw!

  VIcrOR

  May I keep quiet now?

  AUDIENCE MEMBER Keep quiet! Why, you still haven't

  said anything useful. Get out a bit

  from under these generalities, if

  you please. We ' re preoccupied

  with your case , not with that of

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  SAMUEL BECKElT

  the human race .

  VIcroR

  But they are of a piece.

  AUDIENCE MEMBER What? Twaddle ! And furthermore,

  speak a little louder, we can ' t hear

  you. (A silence) Hurry up !

  GLAZIER

  Give him time. It was the nightingale and not the lark.

  AUDIENCE MEMBER Time ! Do you know what time it

  is. (He takes out his watch) Eleven

  o ' clock. (He puts back his watch)

  And then some.

  GLAZIER

  You're six hours fast.

  AuDIENCE MEMBER Cut out the monkey business. He

  is being asked a clear and simple

  question : what is this life you' re

  leading? And he answers with this

  hail of absurdities about our life,

  yours and mine, and that of

  asylum inmates. Let him answer

  the question , otherwise I take

  extreme measures.

  GLAZIER

  (To the Audience member) In a

  little while I ' m going to bash your

  face in.

  VIcroR

  The life I'm leading? It's the one

  lived by he who wants no part of

  yours, oh I don 't speak of yours

  personally, nobody would want

  any part of that, but of the life

  that is yours in the sense that

  between you and what they call

  the ones truly alive there is but a

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  1 6 1

  difference of degree. But whether

  it's this superior way of life , or

  yours, or the others, I want no

  part of it, for I've taken it into my

  head that it's always a question of

  the same drudgery, at every rung

  of the ladder.

  AUDIENCE MEMBER But you do live . You can ' t deny it.

  Where lies the difference between

  your life and ours? There is a

  difference apparently. But deep

  down?

  VICTOR

  You really find that I live? You

  stoop to compare yourselves to

  me? With the worst beggar you

  may feel a kinship, but not with

  me. Would you be dead set on

  understanding me, on vindicating

  me, on getting me integrated, if

  you felt m
e deep down to be one

  of your own kind? No, for in that

  case there wouldn ' t be anything to

  understand. A pitying glance in

  passing, one of disgust, even of

  anger, and th e matter would be

  settled, you would be thinking no

  more about it. But you feel there

  is something different, that my life

  is essentially other than yours, that

  between you and me there is a

  gap as there is a gap between you

  and the insane, only not the same

  gap. The plight of the insane, that

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  SAMUEL BECKETI

  you accept. Mine, no. Why? Unless I am insane as well. But you

  don 't dare to hope so.

  GLAZIER

  Nothing bores like boredom.

  AUDIENCE MEMBER You're being asked what this life is

  you' re leading. You 've been

  instructing us as to everything it is

  not, sorry, I haven ' t annoyed you,

  I hope, as to a small part of what it

  is not. That's what's known as

  negative anthropology. You inform us on the same occasion of

  our feelings regarding you. We

  are better acquainted with them

  than you. If you are truly incapable of answering the question ,

  say s o , I ' ll see that you're given a

  hand.

  VICTOR

  It's a life -

  AuDIENCE MEMBER Sorry. One moment. You ' re speaking now of your very own life? Not of ours nor that of the bees?

  VICTOR

  Of mine.

  AUDIENCE MEMBER Capital.

  VICTOR

  It's a life eaten up by its freedom .

  GLAZIER

  What if we killed him? How would

  that do for curtains?

  AUDIENCE MEMBER Let's be patient a little longer. (To

  Victor) Go on .

  VICTOR

  It won 't take a minute. I 've always

  wanted to be free. I don 't know

  why. Nor do I know what it means,

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  1 63

  to be free. You could tear out all

  my fingernails and I still couldn 't

  tell you. But far away from words I

  know what it is. I 've always desired

  it. I still desire it. I desire only

  that. First I was the prisoner of

  others. So I left them. Then I was

  the prisoner of self. That was

  worse . So I left myself. (Wanders)

  (A silence)

  AuDIENCE MEMBER But this is enthralling. How does

  one leave oneself?

  VIcroR

  What?

  AUDIENCE MEMBER I ' m saying this is enthralling. Go

  on. Only tell us how one manages

  how to leave oneself.

  VIcrOR

  (Incoherently) You accept one 's

  getting beyond life or its getting

  beyond you, one's becoming

  irreducible to it, on condition that

  the price is paid, that one's liberty

  is laid down . He abdicated, he

  died, he's mad, he has faith, a

  sarcoma, nothing to fault. But to

  be among you no longer through

  sheer plod of being free, now

  that's a disgrace and a scandal. So

  it's the old maid raging against

  the whore. This freedom of yours

  is so miserable ! So scanty! So

  worn-out! So ugly! So false ! And

  you set such store by it! It's all you

  talk about! Ah envious ones,

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  SA.1UEL BECKETT

  envious ones! (Takes his head in

  his hands)

  GLAZIER

  Well what do you know, we've

  been set straight.

  AuDIENCE MEMBER Straight? About what? About us?

  (To Victor) Pull yourself together.

  VIcroR

  (Lifting his head) I have nothing

  more to tell you.

  AuDIENCE MEMBER But you do ! you do! You have to

  tell us how you go about leaving

  yourself. This is of the most particular interest to my friends.

  VIcrOR

  To hell with your friends.

  AUDIENCE MEMBER Tchoutchi. (Tchoutchi comes

  forward)

  VIcroR

  You can really put stock in what I

  say under duress? You ' re that hard

  up?

  AuDIENCE MEMBER We 've already settled that question . In your absence . Besides, you have only to view the result. What

  you've said hangs together. It's a

  bit coarse-grained, a bit naive, but

  it does hang together. We ask no

  more. Our requirements are

  modest, contrary to what you

  seem to assume. (To the Glazier)

  Isn 't that so?

  GLAZIER

  Leave me the hell alone.

  AUDIENCE MEMBER You left yourself. There we have

  the ultimate find among all your

  installments. How did you go

  ELEUTHERIA

  1 65

  about it?

  VICTOR

  By being, as little as possible. By

  not moving an inch, by not thinking, by not dreaming, by not

  speaking, by not listening, by not

  perceiving, by not knowing, by not

  wanting, by not being able, and so

  on and so forth . I believed that

  was where my prisons lay.

  GLAZIER

  I believe I am going to throw up.

  AUDIENCE MEMBER Ah, SO you believed. And you

  managed, not to move an inch,

  not to make a peep, and so on?

  You must nevertheless have had a

  bite from time to time, I assume,

  during those two heroic years. It

  must sometimes have been difficult to keep on being pure of all

  ideation . And in your sleep you

  did come forth, like an owl at

  nightfall. To say nothing of the

  visits inflicted upon you and

  you' re having had every now and

  then to acquaint yourself with the

  matter, in spite of yourself.

  VICTOR

  Patience is needed.

  AUDIENCE MEMBER Obviously, obviously, all beginnings are difficult. But for all that you're already feeling a little less

  - er - a little less captive?

  VICTOR

  I believe that it's the right track.

  AUDIENCE MEMBER And death plain and simple, that

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  SAMUEL BECKETI

  doesn 't speak to you in any way?

  VICfOR

  If I was dead I wouldn 't know I

  was dead. That's the only thing

  I 've got against death . I want to

  squeeze pleasure out of my death .

  That's where freedom lies: seeing

  oneself dead.

  (A silence. The Glazier turns aside

  and hiccoughs into his handkerchief)

  GlAZIER

  (Wiping his mouth ) I consider

  this discussion to be closed. The

  essential has been said.

  AUDIENCE MEMBER I am of your opinion . Everybody

  now has his little footing. To push

  things along any further would be

  to go back into the fog.

  VIcrOR

  You know that what I told you isn ' t

  the truth.

  AuDIENCE MEMBER The truth ! (To the Glazier) Did

  you hear him? He's in a class by

  himself! (To Victor) We know,

  Mons
ieur, we know, don ' t get all

  worked up about it. For the truth

  we apply elsewhere, everybody has

  his dealer. No, don 't distress

  yourself on that score. Besides,

  you don ' t know what it is that's

  the truth . Nor do we. You perhaps

  spoke it without knowing it. And

  without our knowing it.

  VIcroR

  I told you a story so you would

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  1 67

  leave me alone.

  AUDIENCE MEMBER If you like, if you like. Perhaps less

  than you think. Stories, well

  there 's no getting them told with

  impunity. In any event, you ' re not

  being asked for more . It wasn ' t

  bad a t all, your story, a bit long, a

  bit boring, a bit silly, but not bad,

  not bad at all, even pretty-sounding in spots, on condition that

  one isn 't too particular, something

  we never are. I congratulate you, I

  thank you and I excuse MYSELF.

  VICTOR

  I have something to add.

  GLAZIER

  He's insane. Give them a finger

  and they take an arm .

  AUDIENCE MEMBER No, no, don 't add anything,

  you' re going to botch everything,

  believe me.

  VICTOR

  One word.

  AUDIENCE MEMBER (Magnanimously) All right then ,

  one word if you absolutely insist,

  but no more.

  VICTOR

  I ' m letting go.

  (A silence)

  AUDIENCE MEMBER You are letting go?

  GLAZIER

  Don 't do that, don 't say that! Just

  when everything is settled.

  VICTOR

  I ' m giving up on being free . One

  can ' t be free. I was mistaken . I

  can ' t lead this life any more . I

  understood that last night, in

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  SAMUEL BECKETI

  seeing my father. One cannot see

  oneself dead. It's theatrics. I no -

  AUDIENCE MEMBER Wait, wait, let me stop and think!

  (He reflects) This changes everything. (To the Glazier) What do

  you say to that?

  GlAZIER

  I say shit to that. (Pause) And shit

  agam.

  AUDIENCE MEMBER Mter all, why not? It's perhaps

  better this way. (To Victor) And

  what do you intend to do in that

  case? What is there left for you to

  do?

  VICTOR

  I don 't know.

  GlAZIER

  ( Moaning) It's starting all over

  a gam .

  AUDIENCE MEMBER You can no longer stay like this?

  VICTOR

  No, I no longer can .

  AUDIENCE MEMBER It's overtaxing you?

  VICTOR

  Yes.

  AUDIENCE MEMBER Well then, be logical . It's either

  life, with all that it entails of - of

  subjection, or - the great leavetaking, the real one, to use an

  image you hold dear. No?

  VICTOR

  I don 't know.

  AUDIENCE MEMBER Well, for crying OUt loud !